Monday, February 21, 2011
Counting Down to Something
It's been so hard to sit down and write about what's going on in my head. I don't want to give my anxiety a voice, but it's so overwhelming right now. It sounds ridiculous, but my anxiety seems so unmanageable at times that it's easier to just sink into a near-depression and accept that this baby will die, too, and if he lives, it will just be a happy surprise. It sounds sick and wrong, and I don't know how else to manage the terrible thoughts as we tick down the last 2 weeks before the amnio and hopeful c-section the next day (scheduled at this moment for 3/8/11). I want to be hopeful, but it scares me to feel that way. I don't know that I can live through Ryder dying like Addison died. I'm afraid to put a nursery together, although we bought a new Pack-N-Play tonight for him to sleep in during those first few months. I need a new mantra, but instead I will just keep busy (my doctor won't take me off work anyway), continue to breathe, and see what happens. Please live. Please be healthy. Please let me be your mom.
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I am keeping every finger and toe crossed for you Rebecca...and I'll say a few prayers if you don't mind. Believe...just believe, and he will be in your arms in no time. Hugs xo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Rebecca. So close now. I have everything crossed that things end well this time xx
ReplyDeleteI hope everything went smoothly. Can't wait to hear an update.
ReplyDeleteHope you're all well and enjoying your two little boys. I keep checking your blog every once in awhile for an update. :)
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