Feeling others' pain.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I spent a good part of the day reading other blogs. Not that I ever thought that I was alone in losing an infant, but it turns out that there are an awful lot of people around the world blogging about their experiences and their pain. In some sick way it is comforting to read about the stories of other unfortunate souls who truly know my pain. Intimately. Not that I want the sympathy, per se, but in some ways I wish everyone knew what I am going through right now. When I go out in public I wish I could explain that I just had a baby a few weeks ago, and that's why I have the shelf under my belly button. I wish I could explain why my eyes are puffy from crying. I wish I could truly answer the question "how are you doing?" from the check-out person at the market. Sometimes I want to say how shitty I'm doing. Because my baby died. Yes--I'm the one who was pregnant a few weeks ago, and now I'm not. Don't you wonder why I'm back here without a huge belly AND without a baby? I wish I could scream it from the mountain tops. Not that it would do anything to ease my pain.